are you thinking of Swinging?
If you are considering getting into the scene, then there
are a few things you need to think about before you go any further.
Maybe you and your partner have fantasized about it, and decided
that you might like to go a step further and do it, but have
you thought about the conciquences?
If either of you have any doubts, then you need to talk about
them, and decide wether it is worth going any further. Think
about what you would be happy with your partner doing, and what
they would be happy for you to do, then come up with your rules.
For example when we first started swinging our rules were :
-
* safe sex
* we would only swing together in the same room, not seperate.
* if either one of us says no, the other supports them 100%,
no questions asked.
* no arranging anything without the other there.
* no kissing (this has changed since :-)
These rules were designed to help protect our relationship
from swinging. It may sound a bit strange, but without knowing
what activities we are comfortable with each other doing, it
could be quite easy to do something that upsets your partner.
Everyone has their own rules, and yours need to be decided before
you proceed. Sit down and both of you write the sort of things
you'd like to try and things that you don't want your partner
doing. Once you've done this, swap papers, it can be a real
eye opener. Try to come to some middle ground over what you
are comfortable with and what you don't want to do. Use this
information to make your rules, and stick to them.
Another huge issue is
jealousy. In the swinging lifestyle couples still have to
deal with the same problems. The green eyed monster, jealousy.
It can ruin your relationship, and has kept people from enjoying
themselves for centuries. The feeling that your partner is going
to enjoy themselves with someone else more than they do with
you. It happens even to the most experienced of us (we still
get a little jealous at times, we wouldn't love each other if
we didn't).
This is why communication is important. The feelings that come
from a solid, healthy relationship span the spectrum, and at
times jealousy is among those feelings. If this happens, you
should talk about it. It's the only way to deal with jealous
feelings. What makes you jealous?...How do you feel when you
are jealous?...How can these feelings be dealt with?... What
can we change so that we don't get jealous?...Is the jealousy
to much to handle when we swing?...should we try swinging again?
You must ask yourselves these questions before you go any further.
Most swingers enjoy watching their partners have sex with another
person, watching another person enjoy what you have all the
time. This is part of swinging, not only getting and giving,
but enjoying the fact that your partner who you love are enjoying
themselves as much as you. Don't let your jealous feelings build
up and ruin your relationship...talk!
Safe sex is another important thing to think about. Every swinger
should practice safe sex, as they are putting themselves and
everyone else that may share their bed at risk of sexually transmitted
diseases. You cannot know everyones sexual history, so is it
worth taking the risk?
What sort of meeting would you like? Would you like to meet
swingers privately or at a club? Clubs are proberbly the best
place to start. They are totaly safe with staff there if anyone
causes problems. There is no pressure for you to take part in
anything, if you say no it means no. You will get a better idea
of how swingers behave, and will be able to talk to other swingers
to find out more. They are generally very nice, normal people
and most will be glad to help you.
My belly is too fat...etc? Swingers aren't perfect people,
they are just normal everyday people like you and me. They work,
have houses and families to take care of . Some keep fit, and
others don't know what a gym looks like. We come in all shapes
and sizes, colours, religious beliefs, and income levels, from
doctors and nurses to secretaries, labourers and housewives,
we come from all walks of life.
The one thing we all have in common is that we were all new
to this at one time. We visited places like this to get information
on how to get started, meet people, and for reassurance that
this was the right thing for us.
Everyone is different, we all have our own fantasies and desires.
What our body looks like doesn't really matter, it's your willingness
to explore new experiences. There are people out there that
are looking for people like you. What is important is that you
communicate with your partner, Once you've agreed on what you
want or don't want to do, go for it, and enjoy yourselves.
There is no pressure, and you don't have to explain yourself
if there is something that you don't want to do. You have to
have an open mind, and everything else will fall into place.
Sex is good and sex is fun, but communication is number 1!
Consenting adults in a relationship building on communication,
truth and trust has a better chance of surviving than one that
includes lying and suspicion. Talking to each other helps you
understand your partners needs, wants and desires, and when
communication happens between two people this opens the doors
for exploration.
If you are ready and willing to include swinging into your
relationship, it is important to discuss everything with your
partner. What excites you... what makes you nervous, why you
want to do this, and why you think it would improve your relationship.
You also have to listen to what your partner has to say, watch
their body language, if they are defensive or scared looking,
then it is possible that they are saying "yes", but
really meaning "I'm not sure".
Once an encounter has happened you must talk about it, what
each of you liked ....Would you like to do it again?.... what
you would like to try if you do it again?....Should you change
some of the rules you originally had? Most swingers find that
they have great sex with their own partners after the encounter,
talking about what happened...reliving the experience.
Most swingers have the best relationships. They are open and
honest with their partners, and are able to express their wants,
needs, and desires openly without remorse, and their wants,
needs, and desires are respected by their partner without a
need for an explanation.
What if we have a bad experience ? What if myself or my partner
is jealous beyond belief ?What if we get addicted to swinging
?What if the neighbours, my boss or the children find out ?
There are lots of reasons why you shouldn't do this, you've
got a list a mile long in your head, but there are a few reasons
why you should and you can't get them out of your head. No one
can tell you whether it is right for you, only you and your
partner should make this decision. If it's something you both
want, then try it, don't let the what if's stop you.
If only one of you wants to do it and the other agrees, then
fine, but if they don't agree, think long and hard about what
it could do to your relationship.....is it worth it ? Be thoughtful
of your partner, talk about everything that may happen, or has
happened, or what you would like to happen. Always be safe.
Everything else will take care of it's self.
Hopefully, you've realised that if you want to get into swinging
then you need to talk to each other and have a strong relationship.
Once you've done your talking, you've got your rules, and your
both happy, go for it. don't forget to email us to let us know
how it went.
